Navigating Pride as a Queer Survivor

June is Pride Month, a time of celebration. Sometimes it feels like there is one narrative of what that means in popular culture– partying! Except that, not everyone likes big loud festivities. Not everyone feels safe or comfortable partying. The truth is there’s never just one narrative. There is more than one way to celebrate Pride. There are as many ways to participate in Pride as there are queer people. Pride means honoring who you are and what you value. Pride can mean picnicking with friends, or a solo hike, or supporting queer owned businesses. Or some combination of all the above!

Pride Month Challenges for LGBTQ+ Survivors and Sober Community Members

While this time of year is meant to be joyous, it can feel painful, lonely and isolating for queer survivors of gender-based violence and sexual harm. Similarly, for those who are sober, conflating pride celebrations with substances can be frustrating and isolating. Pride shouldn’t be limiting, but rather it can be an expansive definition. How you feel about celebrating Pride might change day to day, or year to year. That makes sense! To me, at least, pride means honoring who and what you love and taking good care of yourself in the process, by respecting your boundaries and being gentle and kind to yourself. 

Low-Key Pride Celebration Ideas: Picnics, Coffee Dates, and Safe Spaces

In the Northern hemisphere, the month of June means the start of summer. Hosting a Pride themed picnic can be a fun, low stakes way to celebrate with friends. Inviting a few friends and each bringing a dish can be a meaningful experience. Often, it’s easier to share about yourself, and learn about others, in smaller groups. Connecting with queer friends through meaningful interactions can be a genuine celebration of pride. For neuro-diverse and/or folks with trauma histories, having clear expectations, boundaries and timelines for social gatherings can be really helpful. This might look like sending a text asking friends to picnic from noon-2pm. 

Or, if picnicking isn’t of interest and you’d prefer an indoor activity, inviting a friend to get coffee and go to a bookstore can be a lovely way to get to know someone, or a group of friends, in a more controlled environment with clear expectations for how long the hangout will last. Engaging in activities you enjoy, in environments that feel safe, can be empowering. Your mental health and wellbeing come first. Again, at the end of the day, celebrating pride means honoring your needs and who you are. 

Solo Pride Activities: Celebrating Your Identity Independently

In addition to celebrating pride with your community, it can feel good to celebrate pride just for yourself. Doing something for yourself might be a little uncomfortable, that’s ok! Popular culture can sometimes paint celebrating, or doing a fun activity, as something that must be done with a big group. While that can be fun and important, taking time to care for yourself is just as important. Getting to know your likes, dislikes and interests can increase feelings of contentment and agency. This can be especially meaningful and emotional for survivors of harm. Everyone deserves to feel safe and cared for. Everyone deserves self-compassion and kindness. Celebrating Pride for yourself, in whatever way feels best for you, can foster those feelings.  

Creative Pride Projects: Journaling, Art, and Personal Reflection

However you identify, consider paying tribute to what’s important to you this month. Maybe writing a letter to your past self, and/or your future self might feel right. Maybe drawing a picture, or knitting something, or taking a series of photos, or planting a tree, or doing something physically challenging, like going to your first Zumba class, will feel good to you. Only you know what will feel good to you!

Engaging in a mindful activity, like going for a quiet walk, can allow for reflection. Or consider going on a solo beach trip with a good book, a journal and/or music. Choosing to bring a few activities can ease feelings of awkwardness or boredom. Sitting with your thoughts can be peaceful, or uncomfortable! Having a few options to toggle between can make for a more fulfilling experience. And don’t forget snacks, water and sunscreen! 

Your understanding of your identities and how they intersect may change from year to year. That’s only human. Pride can provide a good opportunity to reflect on your identities and the ways you’ve grown in the past year. Nothing is too big or too small to celebrate. You can make a list of accomplishments from the past year, or times you felt the most yourself. You can make a playlist with friends and include songs that resonated with you this past year. You can make a collage with your favorite photos from this past year. It’s also ok to start a project and then take a break from it. Or to start multiple projects at once. Again, there are no rules for creativity and self-expression! 

Processing Grief During Pride Month

Just as it can benefit one’s mental health to honor one’s identity and accomplishments, grieving sources of pain can be important too. Maybe you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, or a relationship, a pet or community or home. There is no rulebook for grief. Some folks might feel joyful and at peace with their identities, but still feel grief for past versions of themselves. However complicated your feelings might be this time of year, it is ok. Giving yourself time and space to feel whatever comes up is healing. If you feel comfortable sharing your feelings of grief with loved ones, Pride month can be a meaningful time. You could consider finding a therapist, if you think you might benefit from exploring your grief further, in a safe environment. 

Pride Month Safety and Mental Health Resources for LGBTQ+ Survivors

Beyond relational and attachment grief, LGBTQ+ survivors experience increasing rates of gender-based harm, harassment and bullying. For LGBTQ+ survivors of sexual violence, this time of year can be especially painful. Coming to terms with one’s sexuality and being open in one’s identity in a world that isn’t always accepting, is painful enough. Surviving sexual harm and feeling alone in one’s experience isn’t something anyone should face. No one should be made to feel unsafe. You deserve to feel accepted and understood. Our Wave and the Trevor Project list resources if you or someone you know is struggling. You are not alone. 

Pride month means celebrating what’s important to you. It means honoring your boundaries, interests and passions. It can be a meaningful month for deeper connections within your communities and for self-reflection. It can be empowering to celebrate what and who you love, your communities and interests. And it can be lonely for folks grieving lost relationships and attachments.

Finding ways to celebrate yourself, that feel genuine to your interests and identities, and your communities can be a liberating experience. It can also be a complex month for LGBTQ+ survivors of harm. Challenging feelings may arise, and that’s ok too. Honoring your identities is just as much about acknowledging pain and discomfort as it is about joy. You can consider sharing your feelings, whatever they are, with loved ones or finding a therapist who really gets you. 

References:

The Trevor Project. (2022, February 8). Bullying and suicide risk among LGBTQ youth. 

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/research-briefs/bullying-and-suicide-risk-among-lgbtq-youth/