Back-to-School Strategies for Survivors of Sexual Harm

The end of August means last minute travel, Labor Day sales and for some, back-to-school season. These might all be exciting things. But a lot of “exciting things” in life can bring up complicated, contradictory feelings. Back-to-school season can feel particularly complicated for survivors of sexual harm. 

Whether you’re returning to a familiar school, or starting college or graduate school, this time of year can have unique challenges. Even if you’re out of college, this season may stir up memories that may or may not be wanted. Honoring whatever you’re feeling in the present moment is an act of kindness and courage.

Compared to summer, early fall often feels fast-paced with new classes to adjust to, new teachers to adapt to, and fluctuating social dynamics. For anyone who’s experienced trauma, a change in schedule can be dysregulating. The brain is wired for routine; that’s why challenging negative core beliefs or breaking habits can feel fraught. Having a new schedule and new people to get to know can feel like a jolt. 

That’s not to say that back-to-school time shouldn’t and can’t be fun and exciting! But rather, if this time of year makes you feel more vulnerable or on edge, you’re not alone. Making time to engage in activities you love, like yoga, drawing, or reading can ease feelings of discomfort. 

Starting a new academic year provides a chance to check in with yourself, your interests, and your boundaries. All of these may shift over time. That’s completely normal! But it might mean getting reacquainted with your identities. For example, journaling or going on a meditative walk can be grounding experiences. 

Ultimately, starting a new school year is also an act of courage, no matter how you feel at any given moment. Honoring your interests and goals, however they may shift, is empowering. 

Managing Triggers and Seeking Support

If this time of year is particularly fraught and you’re experiencing flashbacks to traumatic events, know that help is available, and you are not alone. Most colleges have counseling services on campus, or resources to connect you to off-campus support. The Our Wave website also lists diverse resources. Beyond this, finding a safe place on or near campus to go when you’re feeling dysregulated can be helpful. This might mean a park, a religious center, a library, or coffee shop. Having a spot in mind for when you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed can increase your sense of safety. 

Advocating for Yourself

Advocating for yourself is an essential part of starting a new school year. Whether in the classroom, at home with roommates, or in social and family settings, understanding your needs and speaking up can help you feel supported and empowered.

Academic Advocacy

Starting new classes can feel overwhelming. If you are confused by course content, you are probably not the only one. Going to office hours and talking to the TA can mitigate feelings of confusion. And forming or joining a study group can be a fun way to socialize while staying on top of course work. Or, consider joining a club or sports team. Having something to look forward to also allows you to create routine and structure in your schedule, and this can be empowering. 

Even if you don’t love all your classes or all your homework, finding a few courses or topics that you’re passionate about can support healthy self-esteem and foster meaning and connection in your life. 

Additionally, reviewing your professor’s policies on giving extensions, and reaching out when you think you might benefit from a little extra time, is a powerful way to advocate for yourself. Beyond this, most college campuses have an office of disability, which can be incredibly helpful for neurodiverse survivors to receive the structure and support they need to meet their academic goals.  

Roommate Advocacy

Advocating for yourself in a situation with a roommate can be challenging and exhausting. After a long day, coming home to an awkward roommate situation may cause an anxiety spiral. We all have boundaries and comfort levels. They look unique to all of us. Even if you can’t predict everything that may arise, establishing some ground rules can be helpful.

• If you have a shared sink, what are expectations for how long dishes should sit out?

• How will chores, like taking out the trash and vacuuming, be shared? 

Social and Family Advocacy

Similarly, advocating for your needs in friendships and relationships can be both challenging and rewarding as the school year kicks off. Dynamics may shift over the summer. That’s ok. Allowing yourself to feel whatever feelings arise is important. Realizing you want to branch out to new friendship circles or reach out to old friends is courageous. 

Setting boundaries with family members may also be important. You have every right to not talk about grades or test scores. Stepping away from situations that don’t serve you is nurturing. If you are feeling triggered, always remember to honor your feelings.

Navigating Fears of Not “Fitting In”

Finding your people takes time! Checking in with yourself on what you actually want can easily get lost in the shuffle of meeting new people, unpacking, or hearing about parties. Honoring what you want and need might mean sometimes hanging out, and sometimes staying in and watching TV. 

Sometimes that means pushing yourself to try something out of your comfort zone. Sometimes that means leaving a situation when you know that you’re not having fun. Trusting your intuition can be challenging for so many reasons. 

You might be afraid of disappointing new friends. But, if you’re on edge, or not having fun, you have every right to walk away from a situation. Sometimes disappointment is a part of life. The fear of missing out (FOMO) can be trivialized on social media and in everyday conversations, but the psychology behind it is powerful. 

Battling Feelings of Perfectionism

A common outlet for anxiety is perfectionism. This can manifest in the classroom. For survivors of sexual harm, feeling in control is powerful. Wanting everything to be just right makes sense. But it can get exhausting and compound feelings of stress, leading to sleep loss and changes in mood. And there is no such thing as perfect. There will be many assignments over the course of a school year – there’s no need to put all your eggs in one basket. Practicing being gentle, generous, and kind with yourself is healing. 

Staying Present and Practicing Mindfulness

Anxiety around classes and friendships can be exhausting enough, and for survivors of sexual harm, flashbacks can be debilitating. They may lead to feelings of embarrassment. They may lead to a desire to self-isolate. Practicing mindfulness techniques can be useful. Doing a body-scan or breathing in for 3 seconds and out for 4 seconds can be quick and inconspicuous ways to stay in the present moment.  

It’s ok if your emotions are all over the place. That’s normal! Transitions are tough, even if it’s a transition you’re really excited about it. It’s impossible to walk into a situation without expectations. Sometimes, things are not as you expect. Sometimes, they are, but you realize they’re not what you want. All of that is ok. It’s normal and very human.

However your school year goes, take good care of yourself.