What is an “Unhealthy Environment”? 

Several researchers within the Department of Psychology at the University of California clearly defined what an unhealthy environment is. They said:

“Across multiple environments, unhealthy environments are those that threaten safety, that undermine the creation of social ties, and that are conflictual, abusive, or violent. A healthy environment, in contrast, provides safety, opportunities for social integration, and the ability to predict and/or control aspects of that environment,” (Taylor et al., 1997). 

Basically, an unhealthy environment is a setting or surrounding that an individual occupies that negatively impacts their health and well-being. These environments will cause a great amount of stress for a person. They may be anxiety-inducing or be entirely unsafe. 

This is not the way that anyone deserves to live. A healthy environment is one in which a person can exist contentedly, where their mental and emotional well-being is sustained and supported. A person can feel safe to be themselves and to share their thoughts or concerns without the fear of negative consequences. 

An unsafe environment can be when you feel continuously guilted or harassed, where nothing is ever enough or you feel as if you have to walk on egg shells to avoid a negative interaction. You should never be physically harmed or verbally lashed because you accidentally spilled milk on the floor, or because you didn’t answer your text messages fast enough. You should never have to feel constantly on edge, preparing yourself for the next bad interaction and the possible punishments, silent treatments, or mental/physical harm that follows. 

These are not the conditions in which anyone should have to be in. 

Why Is It Hard to Leave Unhealthy Relationships?

When you tell someone about being in an unhealthy environment, their go-to advice for such a situation normally follows the same train of thought that can be summarized in the words: “Just leave!” It’s always delivered with the implication of ease. When people tell you to cut someone off, they often forget there’s no large pair of scissors that cuts people out of your life with a clean line and no hassle. 

The truth is that, unfortunately, unhealthy environments are often the hardest conditions to get out of. And it’s usually a long and stressful process. 

For example, leaving isn’t always an accessible option. Some people in unhealthy environments are children who don’t have the legal ability to leave. Some may have a disability and their caregiver is actually their toxic person. Others may not have the financial ability, and some just aren’t ready to let go. All of these are just a few of the many reasons for being unable to leave an unhealthy environment. 

While some might not be in the emotional or financial place to cut a person out of their life or to get out of an unhealthy environment, hope is not lost. There are things that you can do to help support yourself through this difficult time. 

So you’re “stuck,” what can you do? 

First of all, Dr. Illisa Kaufman with Psychology Today wrote that the words “trapped” and “stuck” are dangerous words due to being vague, mysterious, and alarming. She says to instead use words such as “not enough outlets” or “not enough support.” 

This change in language when describing your situation can already cause a mental shift in how you view yourself and the situation you're in. By not calling yourself stuck, you will begin to feel less stuck as you understand the true depth to your situation. It’s most likely not that you’re physically trapped somewhere, but that you have many different factors influencing your ability to leave. 

By understanding this and using such language, you can make the factors in your unhealthy environment feel more manageable and capable of changing. We often underestimate the power of words over ourselves. 

This leads into the first step to help yourself when in an unhealthy environment, suggested by Dr. Kaufman.

1. Change your internal dialogue 

Kaufman says that “the language you use inside your head will dictate your reactions. Very simply, the more alarming and catastrophic the thinking, the more dramatic and intense your actions will be.” 

Negative and defeating thoughts are not likely to lead to healthy behavioral responses. Instead, intense negative emotions can lead to actions such as self-harm, suicide, divorce, abuse of drugs and/or alcohol, unhealthy eating habits, insomnia, and more. 

Try your best not to look at each day as a "cage" or a new day in Hell, but instead try to view it as taking each day one at a time. See every day as a time full of opportunities to do and experience more (even if you don’t actually do or see that much). 

See every day as an opportunity to strengthen your mind and body, and to begin implementing as many healthy behavioral responses as possible. This will help you to see things as more hopeful rather than helpless and catastrophic. 

2. Create rituals for your days 

Part of creating healthy behavioral responses is implementing consistent rituals. These rituals don’t have to be anything big. Instead, they can be as simple as making your bed every single morning or drinking tea before beginning your day. If you can get out of the house, it can be going on a walk every Wednesday afternoon or going to the farmer’s market every Saturday morning. 

These rituals provide stability in your life. By having a sense of stability, you can feel more grounded and motivated to do other things. Rituals are powerful in helping you to focus on control. They allow you to prove to yourself that there are things within your control and they’re yours to own, reclaiming a sense of autonomy. 

These rituals also go hand-in-hand with practices of self-care, which can be activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This includes exercise (which can be simple body workouts or yoga that take place in your home), reading, journaling, listening to music, coloring, drawing, or meditating. These rituals and self-care practices can help you rebuild your self-identity, strengthening overall mental fortitude and well-being. 

3. Create a safe place 

As you begin to implement rituals into your life, you can also begin creating a safe place (or multiple). This is any environment, whether physical or psychological, that provides you with a sense of security, acceptance, and support. It allows you to feel free from harm and fear and to be yourself. This is a good place to explore your self-identity and participate in your rituals. 

An example can be having your morning cup of tea outside or reading bits of a book every night in a chair in your bedroom. Having these designated places can help you establish boundaries by separating yourself from the toxic behavior or unhealthy environment around you. This helps you limit interactions or topics of conversations where tensions and negative emotions can arise. 

4. Build a support network

One common factor or outcome of an unhealthy environment is feeling or becoming isolated from others. Whether self-imposed or forced upon you, it’s very easy and understandable that you become disconnected from those around you. 

Stress or a sense of identity loss can cause you to push away those that you care about. It’s important to try and prevent this or to begin rebuilding your network again even if you did lose others. You’re never truly alone in this world, no matter how much it may seem like you are. Connecting with trusted friends, family, or support groups is important for offering perspective, encouragement, and a sense of belonging. 

While access to your community can be limited, there are a variety of ways to reach out. This can be through online support groups or even through joining some volunteer work. Another important support network can be seeking professional help, if possible. A therapist can offer support and guidance, including managing conflict, establishing self-identity, strengthening boundaries, and developing strategies for leaving the unhealthy environment. Whoever it is, try to strengthen your relationships with others around you. You deserve to have a community and people to rely on. 

5. Develop an exit plan

While you may not be able to leave an unhealthy environment immediately, you can begin to develop a plan on how to get away eventually. This includes a step-by-step plan on what course of action you’ll take, including where you’ll go and who you’ll call. The plan can also include finding a job, securing a place to live, or applying for financial assistance. 

As you develop this plan, you’ll also want to be documenting any harm that is being caused to you, whether emotional, verbal, mental, or physical. Put the dates and write out what happened in as much detail as possible as soon as you can. Our memories can fail us later as the details and timeline of events gets confusing and slips away. 

Additionally, educate yourself on the dynamics of an unhealthy environment, handling a toxic person, and the impacts they can have on an individual. This will give you a better understanding of your situation and options for the present and the future. 

Remember, you are not alone

Things may seem hard, scary, and stressful right now, but there is always hope for a better future. There are so many people who are there to listen, support, and guide you through the situation you’re in. Whether you currently have one or are looking for one, there is a community out there for everyone to find acceptance and strength. Don’t forget about the strength in yourself, either. You will get through this, there is a better future for you, and you are never alone.

References 

Taylor SE, Repetti RL, Seeman T. Health psychology: what is an unhealthy environment and how does it get under the skin? Annu Rev Psychol. 1997;48:411-47. doi: 10.1146/annurev.psych.48.1.411. PMID: 9046565.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-beginning-the-end/202103/how-get-healthy-in-unhealthy-environment 

https://mysoulbalm.blog/2020/04/15/what-to-do-when-you-cant-escape-a-toxic-living-situation/