Making Waves

Are you or a loved one experiencing relationship violence and abuse? Through this blog, we hope to share five steps that you can follow to escape the trauma and hardships, and find healing in your life.  Step 1: Acknowledge the Abuse It can be difficult to identify if you are being abused. Approximately 20,000 calls are placed to domestic violence hotlines daily, and 90% of abusers do not have a criminal record (nacdv.org). Oftentimes, an…

Talking about consent used to be taboo. It wasn’t “cool” to talk about asking if sex was okay because it “killed the mood.” After years of repeated sexual violence in the news, movements like Me Too and organizations like RAINN have stressed the importance and intricacy of consent. These organizations and movements have taught us that “no” is a full sentence. Your boundaries do not need reason or conditions. You always have the final say…

When most people hear the term abuse, their mind typically goes to physical abuse. They think if their significant other is not physically harming them in some way, then they are being too sensitive, too dramatic, and making a big deal out of nothing. Most people don’t even realize they are suffering from abuse until the damage has already been done. I know because I was one of those people. Truth be told, there is…

When you search “sexual assault survivor” in google images, hundreds of faces stare back at you. Almost every single one is a woman. But what about the people we don’t usually see? What about male survivors? When we are taught about sexual violence and its prevention, it is the norm to discuss it in the context of female victims and male perpetrators. However, this traditional framework largely leaves out male survivors. The reality is that…

“What were you wearing?” This is a simple question survivors of sexual assault, abuse, and violence are often asked after experiencing a traumatic incident. By asking this question, well-intending friends and family members can differ blame directly to survivors and away from the root of the issue, a perpertrators negative action. In this blog, we aim to clearly articulate that clothing does not equal consent. When victims choose to report an assault, they should be met…

Bullets, missiles, tanks, propaganda: all weapons of war that have been in global news headlines since the early hours of February 24 when Russian president Vladimir Putin began the war on Ukraine (Kirby, 2022). Global leaders and activists have called the world to rally around Ukraine, and there has been a mass mobilization in the supply of military and humanitarian aid. But one weapon of war has gone largely undiscussed: sexual violence. Oksana Pokalchuk, director of…

Dear Survivor, Thank you for sharing your story on Our Wave or one of our partner sites (Survivor Spaces, The Body a Home for Love, Unapologetically Surviving, or another). You are a valued part of our community. From the start, it has been our aim to amplify voices like yours safely and anonymously to help you feel less alone, connect you with resources as you navigate your healing journey, and allow others to learn from…

When you think of the American “college experience,” chances are sports come to mind. Games provide the opportunity to party, and the rush of seeing your university’s team beat a rival school is a substantial draw to college. Because of this, collegiate athletes have unmatched status within their campus community: they are put on a pedestal by peers, authority figures, and the media alike. Being in a position of power can easily lead to becoming…

When you’re an athlete, you are expected to put everything into your sport. Coaches evoke a deep sense of loyalty in the athletes they mentor, and the expectation to perform can be all-consuming. There is an inconceivable amount of pressure to win: for yourself, for your fans, for your team, for your coach. But what happens when the performance of an athlete is valued above all else? Athletes shine in the spotlight, but too often…

One of the best recovery tools a survivor can utilize is community. Finding groups of people who have the same lived experiences reminds survivors that they are not alone. Instead, survivors can find solace in knowing that their community will support and comfort them through their journey. In a society that victim blames survivors and reinforces rape culture, it is necessary to know that you are in a safe and supportive community. This community isn’t…

What Is The Red Zone? There is no feeling like being a college freshman. You are pursuing a higher education, moving to a new place, and are on your own for the first time. Fall semester is filled with parties, tailgating, rush week, and many more social events. The excitement and newness are exhilarating. You are finally coming into your own. While you should celebrate this new phase of life and enjoy every moment, it…

We live in an age where anyone from middle schoolers to grandparents are active on social media.  Today, most people have smartphones, a tv, or access to the internet.  Media is all around us.  With such a broad spectrum, there is media content around nearly every topic, issue, or situation one could think of. While this can be a great thing, it can also be dangerous, particularly for survivors of sexual violence. So what are…

For many, “living mindfully” can seem like nothing more than memorizing mantras and striving towards an unattainable goal. Yet for those living with trauma, mindfulness can play an important role in healing. Individuals recovering from trauma often have feelings of helplessness and anxiety. It can leave us feeling paralyzed and overwhelmed. Survivors may get looped into a vicious cycle of emotional triggers and negative thinking causing them to feel stuck. Living mindfully can help us…

Happy Pride month!  Every June, people across America come together to celebrate the LGBTQIA+ community and the impact these folx have had on our society.  But when did Pride Month begin?  The very first pride march was held on June 28, 1970 in New York City on the first year anniversary of the Stonewall Uprising, the event which is often considered the start of the pride movement.  In 1999, President Bill Clinton officially declared June…

In light of current events, the need to address sexual harassment in the workplace has become evident. The most recent allegations against Governor Cuomo of New York have sparked much controversy. Three former aides, a former health policy advisor, a member of the Executive Chamber staff, and a member of the 2020 Biden campaign have accused Cuomo of sexual harassment. Though he has denied these allegations, there is now an external investigation taking place. In…

With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, the expectation of intimacy may arise between you and your partner. For some, this can be a difficult thing to process, and the holiday can be triggering in and of itself. For others, expectations can lead to feelings of obligation- something that can also be triggering, particularly if you are a survivor of trauma or violence. If you are feeling uneasy or uncomfortable about sexual expectations or intimacy,…

Words have power. By that, I am talking in particular about words used to describe those who have experienced sexual assault and the certain connotations that they carry. The two most common words to describe individuals who have faced sexual violence include “victim” and “survivor.”  Words have power. Classically, a person who has experienced assault would be referred to as a “sexual assault victim,” but that language has begun to change over the years. Now,…

Our world is often chaotic and uncertain. To find comfort in the chaos we create ideas about how the world must work. We rely on our worldview for a sense of safety. “[A worldview] is a collection of deeply held beliefs about how we interpret and experience the world.”https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/innovation-you/201707/your-worldview-is-your-greatest-strength “Everything happens for a reason,” for example, offers comfort because it allows one to believe that despite the chaos and uncertainty, our world is overall orderly…

Those who fight for us, also need people to fight for them.  The military physically protects us and sacrifices for us, yet some service members are unsafe within the confines of the military system. According to the Department of Defense, almost a quarter of all women in the military experience sexual harassment, and more than 20,000 soldiers were sexually assaulted in the 2018 fiscal year. Women makeup about 20 percent of the military, but are…

I can easily say that throughout the development of the current global pandemic, I have felt a lot of emotions. I have had moments of fear, anxiety, isolation, peace, relief, acceptance, and fear again. A common theme in my conversations over the last three months has been the way COVID-19 has changed personal communities and caused people to withdraw from their normal support groups. From quarantining for months to having a lot of normalcy put on…

By forgiving ourselves and realizing that despite what our inner critic is telling us, we are not the cause of our trauma and are not to blame, we can begin to allow ourselves to accept our experiences and integrate them into our identities. After experiencing an assault, there are hundreds of things people tell you that you “should do.” But after the immediate crisis management is complete and you are alone with your thoughts…what then?…

Healing means that you are not alone, recognizing that even though our experiences may be different, we are all connected. What just happened to me? Did I dream that? Why didn’t I say something?  I just felt so frozen. Its not my fault…but is it? I could have…I should have…but how?  Nausea. I must hold him accountable. I must make sure he doesn’t do it again. But what can I do? Do I even have…

Research reflects that there is a higher incidence rate among the LGBTQ+ community. Even so, we are often forgotten. On September 28th Raleigh hosted its first ever pride event. Myself and several members of the wave team had the opportunity to attend. Throughout the night and following couple of days it made me think about what we are doing at Our Wave and how the LGBTQ+ community is affected by it. This prompted me to…

We wanted to disturb the status quo when it comes to addressing sexual violence and to create an occurrence and increase of a phenomenon: story-telling. As I began this post I struggled to figure out where to start. I knew I wanted to talk about why a wave? We could have chosen any name, but Our Wave was chosen. Why? What was the significance. For every one on our team it bears a different meaning,…

Telling your story can have significant impact within the healing process. Something that often gets in the way is not being ready to attach their name to their story. *TRIGGER WARNING* I have experienced sexual violence three separate times in my life. In all three scenarios I was scared to speak up. I feared being blamed, not being believed, and of ruining my life. I longed for a place to just get the words out…