Harm at Home: Intimate Partner Sexual Violence
October 28, 2025
What is Intimate Partner Sexual Violence?
Intimate Partner Sexual Violence (IPSV) is a type of harm that one experiences from a person they are in an intimate relationship with. It falls within the intersection of Sexual Violence (SV) and Domestic Violence (DV).
Sexual violence is a type of violence that happens when a sexual act is done to someone without their consent, after consent has been withdrawn, or specifically done to harm them in any manner. This ranges from verbal sexual harassment in a public place, unwanted sexual contact, sexual coercion, being forced to conduct an act on another, and rape.
Domestic Violence is violent or aggressive behavior within the home. It involves the abuse, whether verbal, emotional, or physical, of a spouse or partner. IPSV is specifically when any of the acts referenced under SV, or other sexually unwanted, coercive, or harmful acts, are done by someone you are in an intimate relationship with, whether it’s romantic or sexual.
Overall, IPSV can be…
Unwanted sexual touching or being forced to touch another
Being worried about the consequences of any sexual activity if you refuse
“Giving in” to sex when you don’t want to or to avoid physical or verbal violence
Constantly being accused of having affairs
Refusing to use condoms and denying birth control
Being forced into watching or making pornography and/or prostitution
Coercing into sex by offering/forcing drugs or alcohol
Physical assaults, including choking or strangling, before or during sexual activity
Taking off a condom during sexual intercourse
Being forced to participate in sexual activities with another person(s) or animal(s)
Having sex be expected of you on demand
Constantly being guilt tripped or being compared to past sexual partners as a manipulation tactic to force you to do sexual acts
Using technology to photograph/film sexual acts without consent and uploading or distributing them
Being pressured into any activity that is degrading, humiliating, or painful (e.g. anal sex, object penetration)
Having sexual activities continue even after you’ve expressed that you’d like to stop
The Effects of Intimate Partner Sexual Violence
Intimate Partner Sexual Violence can take many different forms and thus have varying effects on those who experience it. No situation is exactly the same, but every individual’s story is just as valid as the next.
In my own experience, IPSV came in the form of my first long-term boyfriend - a young man who wouldn’t accept “no” for an answer. He would pressure me into sexual intercourse by saying things like “I’ll be quick,” “Just do it for me” and “Please, I really want to, please” until I would finally give in. He made me feel like a bad girlfriend for not wanting to do it and for “denying” him.
This experience is unfortunately common for many, which is why it’s so important to spread this information, so that others going through this can learn about what constitutes as IPSV, what the effects are, and how they can get support and begin their healing journey. No one should ever feel alone, especially when facing pain from another person in their life.
Experiences of IPSV and their resulting negative effects can differ significantly between individuals. The consequences of IPSV are real and often severe. Survivors of IPSV can experience long lasting trauma, including physical injury, multiple sexual assaults, unwanted pregnancy, and sexually transmitted infections. In addition, women who experience IPSV are also more likely to be killed by their intimate partner (Logan et al, 2015).
Immediate effects of IPSV
The immediate and short-term feelings that are created include emotional distress, such as anger, sadness, fear, shock, panic, and helplessness, as well as confusion and self-blame. Survivors of IPSV may not truly understand what happened or they may blame themselves for the abuse. Many may use supposed “logic” and other’s perspective to try to explain away their actions, making up excuses and reasoning for why the person hurt them.
It is also understandable for survivors to deal with disorientation, in which they experience shock or emotional numbness. This is when you’re in a state of reduced or absent emotional responsiveness, characterized by a feeling of indifference or detachment. You shouldn’t feel guilty or as if your experience isn’t as “severe” as others if you experience these emotions. They are completely normal and valid for having to go through such an event.
Long-term effects of IPSV
The long-term emotional and psychological effects of intimate partner sexual violence can include mental health conditions, as these experiences are linked to increased risk of depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Traumatic-related symptoms include intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, nightmares, and difficulty concentrating. Negative self-perception occurs as it is tied to those feelings of low self-esteem, helplessness, shame, guilt, and worthlessness.
Due to the nature of these experiences, physical and sexual issues are also extremely common effects of IPSV. Survivors may feel detached from their own body or as if it betrayed them. There can be pain associated with sexual encounters following the IPSV and either reduced or extremely increased interest in sex. Both low and high sex drives after an experience of sexual violence are valid responses, as both are known to be a trauma response.
Social impact of IPSV
The behavioral and social impacts of IPSV involve avoidance and isolation, changes in behavior, and relationship difficulties. Survivors may find themselves avoiding people or places that remind them of the trauma, or become isolated as the feelings of fear, guilt, anxiety, and shame overwhelm them. It may be hard to face others in your life when you’re not ready to talk about what happened or feel any of these emotions that cause strain in relationships.
Changes in behavior can be mood swings, eating disorders, self-harm, or suicidal thoughts. Some people may become obsessive or some may feel numb to things, not having much motivation for anything in their life.
For relationships, many survivors may have issues with intimacy. After experiencing pain and betrayal from someone so close to you, it’s very common for there to be difficulty trusting others, both in romantic and non-romantic relationships, but especially in romantic ones.
Survivors may become completely or less interested in sexual activities, while others may become hyper-sexual. Jumping between relationships can occur as intimacy feels like a difficult and exciting thing due to the stress hormones being released. This is the type of response I experienced for myself. It took me years to break the cycle, but I have since found peace in my body, mind, and within my romantic relationships.
What To Do If You've Experienced Intimate Sexual Partner Violence
After experiencing a case of intimate partner sexual violence, things are confusing and painful. You may feel numb, as if nothing matters, or feel as if your life is crashing around you. It’s understandable to feel this way, but there is support and resources out there for you.
Help is available to you! Remember first that, no matter what your situation, if you were or are being harmed, you are not to blame.
Tell someone
The first step can usually be the most difficult one, and that’s to tell someone. This person could be a friend, family member, healthcare team member, neighbor, co-worker, religious or spiritual adviser, advocate at a domestic violence or other hotline, or any other person that you trust.
This person can help you sort through your experience, process your feelings, and figure out the best course of action. It can be extremely hard to share your story, but a trusted person can help you feel relief and get the much-needed support that you deserve.
It’s also important to recognize that there is only so much your friends and family can do in the long-term, and if negative effects continue to worsen then it’s important to seek professional help in the form of counselors, therapists, treatment centers, and support groups. You should never have to go through this alone, and there are always people who want to help.
Have a safety plan
Whether you’re able to tell a trusted person or not, another important thing is to make a safety plan if you are still living with or around your partner. If you feel threatened, fearful, or vulnerable by your partner at all, it’s important to have a plan of escape. Abuse can escalate quickly, so it’s valuable to have a “get away” plan if you are in immediate danger.
A safety plan can include steps such as calling a shelter or domestic violence hotline for support and advice. These hotline specialists and counselors can guide you to valuable resources, including places to stay, financial assistance, legal aid, and coping strategies.
You should also pack an emergency bag that includes items you’ll need if you leave, especially if it’s a sudden escape where you don’t have time to pack the essentials. These items can be clothes, extra keys, a phone charger, personal materials like your passport and social security card, cash, and more. Make sure that this bag is stored in a safe place that your partner won’t find. If possible, keeping it somewhere other than your home may be best.
Items that you cannot keep in this bag but that are important should be kept in easily accessible locations so that if you are leaving in a rush you can quickly grab them. These could be other important personal papers, money, or prescription medications.
Additionally, keep emergency numbers and key contacts saved in your phone so that you can call someone quickly if you are in need of help. It’s also important to have a location or place of safety in mind for your exit plan.
Places to go
After experiencing intimate partner sexual violence, it can be hard to know who to go to. While trusted people are a great choice, this isn’t always possible (or at least may not feel like it is). Professional help can be found in a healthcare professional, such as doctors and nurses, a National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-SAFE or 800-799-7233), the National Alliance on Mental Illness (800-950-6264), a local woman’s shelter, crisis center, a counseling or mental health center, or a local court.
Participate in self-help and care techniques
After experiencing intimate partner sexual violence, finding safety is the first step. Then, you can begin to focus truly on yourself and working through your healing journey. There is no exact timeline for all of these events, and everyone’s experience will look different. It may take some less time while others feel as if they’re processing what happened their whole lives. No one situation is less or more valid than the next. Everyone’s story is their own and should never be judged, belittled, or ignored.
As survivors begin to heal from what happened, steps can be taken to begin building a healthy lifestyle that promotes recovery and positivity. It’s about rebuilding a relationship with yourself after experiencing something so painful and disorientating. These steps may sound a little generic and silly, but the mind to body connection is extremely important to nourish and maintain.
Thus, you can begin drinking the proper amounts of water, eating regularly, choosing healthier foods, getting some exercise (even if it’s just a 30 minute walk) and spending some time outdoors everyday. It has been shown that spending time in a green space improves your psychological well-being. Sitting or walking outside while inhaling fresh air can do wonders for processing emotions and regulating your mind and body.
Practicing activities that promote inner balance and calm are also encouraged, such as meditation, yoga, tai chi, dancing, journaling your thoughts and feelings down, and more. Try your best to get the recommended 7-9 hours of sleep, avoid caffeine, and reserve your bed exclusively for sleep to create a safe place for rest.
Additionally, avoid drugs and excessive alcohol consumption, as these are substances that can aggravate other problems, such as sleep disorders and depression. It’s important to remember that professionals are the best source of information for matters such as this, as a doctor can help you explore different options to support your physical and psychological recovery. These options can include therapy, medication to counter symptoms like anxiety, depression, or insomnia, and support groups.
The Journey to Healing from Intimate Partner Sexual Violence
Unfortunately, there is no cure for IPSV. There is no singular method, medication, therapy, or trusted person that can make it all go away. Healing from IPSV is a long and tiring experience, especially as every person reacts differently to the trauma they have been put through.
However, despite its difficulties, the journey to healing is worth it. You are deserving of love, support, care, safety, comfort, and happiness. Do not follow anyone else’s pace in your recovery, nor judge yourself for the speed at which you are processing things.
Share your story with others, or write about it in a journal. Don’t hold the pain in. It was never your fault, nor will it ever be your fault. Treat your body and mind like you would a friend, offering patience, understanding, and kindness for yourself.
Remember that you are never alone.
Healing is hard, but peace is what you deserve.
References
Logan T.K., Walker, R. & Cole, J. (2015). Silence suffering: the need for a better understanding of partner sexual violence. Trauma, Violence & Abuse, 16(2), 111-135.
https://www.gbvlearningnetwork.ca/our-work/issuebased_newsletters/issue-17/index.html
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/domestic-violence/art-20048397
