Celebrating Small Wins

It’s one thing to say that healing is nonlinear (it is!) and it’s another to be confronted with a day in which nothing feels like it’s going your way. All the past pain and frustration feel like they’re bubbling up and you wonder, am I really better?! I feel you. Healing can feel ambiguous until you find yourself reflecting on how things used to be, or how you might’ve responded in the past, and you realize how far you’ve come. 

Still, bad days will come. I’m sorry, I wish my powers as a blog writer granted me the ability to banish bad days. We’re not there yet. But even on a bad day, there will most likely be little wins. Or little, tiny, tiny wins. I’m talking about a moment of sunlight, the first sip of coffee in the morning, or watching a random cat video, kind of small wins. Those little wins can feel like everything. And the thing about little wins is that they add up. 

Why Little Wins Matter

Anxiety and trauma can shake one’s core beliefs of self-worth. Survivors often struggle with self-criticism and lower levels of self-esteem. Having a lot of little wins can be evidence against self-criticism. 

Acknowledging little wins shows you how much you are doing. Some little wins are intuitive: getting out of bed, getting dressed, going for a walk. 

Some wins aren’t physical activities, but rather moments that provide ease day-to-day. They may not sound like wins to anyone but you. But they matter! 

How to Recognize Your Wins

You might realize that something that would’ve really bothered you in the past doesn’t anymore. This will look unique to everyone, but it might look like saying no when you can’t take on more at work (and not feeling guilty for saying no). It might look like implementing boundaries with a family member (and realizing you’ve been sticking to the boundaries). 

A win can be saying no to something you don’t want to do. Productivity and being perceived as helpful are valuable in many cultures, and it can feel really good to be helpful! It’s also easy to overextend oneself. 

For survivors of sexual harm, the fawn trauma response is common, i.e. the desire to appease others. You may find yourself agreeing to take on more than feels comfortable, so as not to rock the boat. 

Beyond this, we live in a time where work, family and friends can demand more of our attention through texts, calls, emails, or calendar reminders, to name just a few. The fear of disappointing someone is powerful. Know that there is nothing wrong with you if you feel pressure to agree to something you really don’t want to do. And know that saying no when you really aren’t feeling it, is a win. 

On the flip side, honoring what you do want to do is a win. Trying something new is a win! Perfectionist tendencies are common. It can be a challenge allowing yourself not to be an expert in something, but it can also be fun and low stakes. Meditation requires that you simply show up; that can feel like a win to some. 

I started attending Zumba, having no sense of rhythm. I am objectively not good. But it doesn’t matter! It’s fun and silly and I don’t feel like my ineptitude in the dance studio is a reflection of me as a person. To me, that’s a win. 

Enjoying movement in ways that feel genuine, going to a dance class, going for a walk, is a win. 

Finding yourself being more comfortable with spontaneity can be a win. And, realizing you’ve embraced a balance of spontaneity and routine, is a win. 

I realize this one might sound counterintuitive, but allowing yourself a moment to cry can be a win. For survivors of sexual harm, avoidance is powerful, and feeling the weight of your emotions isn’t always possible. But if you are able to have a safe, calm moment to cry, and give yourself all the tenderness you deserve (think: cozy blanket, cup of tea, snack), that’s a powerful win.

Allowing yourself time and space to grieve, is a win. Recognizing all of your needs, from getting out of bed in the morning, to honoring whatever emotions come up throughout the day, is a win. 

Allowing yourself laughter, if that’s what you need, is a win. Healing is unpredictable. Sometimes curling up in a blanket and feeling all the feels is needed, and so is joy and spontaneous moments of wonder that ground you in what matters to you. Maybe a friend’s dog makes a silly face, maybe you share a random laugh with a stranger at the grocery store. Those little moments matter. Being open to whatever emotions arise can feel empowering.

Everyday Examples of Wins

Win: realizing you’re less self-critical, maybe a B on a paper isn’t the end of the world. 

Win: when you bounce back from bad days faster than before. 

Win: knowing when you’re not ok.

Win: asking for help from a trusted source. 

Ways to Document Your Wins

Having a way to highlight your little wins can feel empowering. And when you are having a bad day, you’ll have an archive to refer back to. There’s no rulebook for documenting wins. The process should feel intuitive and genuine to you. More traditional journaling feels right to some folks. You can be as creative and whimsical as you’d like! The process is for you and you alone. It can be a gift to yourself. 

Consider scrapbooking with glitter pens, highlighters, markers, stickers (I recommended a dollar store, or see if there’s a free craft exchange in your area). Or, consider creating a sketchbook and drawing little moments every day that feel like wins. You can take a photo everyday of something that mattered to you (that cup of coffee, your friend’s dog, etc.). 

For some folks, writing a letter to your past self, your current self and/or your future self can resonate. Writing a letter reflecting on how you’ve grown, can be an opportunity to honor your wisdom and strength. Letter writing doesn’t have to be a one-time thing. It can be a practice, something you do every month, or every year. 

You are also not limited to one practice! Dabbling is important! If scrapbooking isn’t your thing, maybe letter writing will be. Documenting your wins is an opportunity for you to be in touch with what feels right to you. It is a judgement free zone. 

Your wins can be shared with your community, if that feels safe, or kept private. Or some combination of both. Beyond hosting a blog, Our Wave supports anonymous stories by survivors and works of art. The site fosters community building around healing. Honoring your agency here is so important. Little wins matter. 

In many cultures, striving for perfection is encouraged, but I’m here for the little wins. Celebrating small steps can feel radical. Whatever your little wins are, blog reader, I’m proud of you.