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Making Waves Survivor Questions Rebuilding Trust: A Survivor’s Path to Healthier Relationships

Rebuilding Trust: A Survivor’s Path to Healthier Relationships

March 30, 2021

Laura Sinko PhD, MSHP, RN
Laura Sinko PhD, MSHP, RN

Director of Research and Survivor Support

Rebuilding Trust: A Survivor’s Path to Healthier Relationships

Survivor Question

Are there ways I can heal my trust issues in relationships?

Entering into a relationship at any time can be messy. Relationships can build you up or tear you down. They can breed life or they can breed toxicity. However, even as one enters into a healthy relationship, the trauma from previous experiences can make it extremely difficult to connect with someone new. It is not easy to jump into relationships when your trust has been broken or abused in the past. When you are healing from trauma, honor your feelings. It is okay to slowly build trust and have the people in your life earn it. To assess if they are worthy of your trust ask: Do they continuously do untrustworthy or hurtful things in your relationship? Do they have a pattern of acting in a way that causes you to question their character? If yes, consider whether that person is someone you should be working to trust. Seek an objective perspective from a loved one if you are having a hard time discerning if someone brings toxicity into your life. Additionally, try to be open with your partner. Giving context as to why it is difficult for you to trust within a relationship may give the other person more confidence to support you. Even a simple disclosure that someone in the past harmed you causing you to want to take things slow can help your new partner learn your needs. If they are not willing to respect your needs, that may be a sign that they might not be the appropriate partner for you at this time. Although another person can't complete the healing process for you, they can encourage you and assure you along the way. The trauma and pain you've experienced can begin to feel like the narrative of your life if you look for it in every relationship you enter or experience you have. It is important to remind yourself that each person you interact with does not fit into a box, and the people you are in relationships with are all different. The situation or person that has made it hard for you to trust others does not deserve a spot in your healthy, supportive relationships. Give yourself grace and honor your past feelings, but remind yourself that while your trauma may always be a part of you, you deserve a healthy and loving relationship external from that trauma.

Read Answer

A survivor reached out about ways they may be able to heal lingering trust issues in relationships. Their main concern centers on figuring out how to form new connections without allowing past betrayals or trauma to overshadow the present. This is such a crucial question because trust is at the core of meaningful bonds with friends, family, and partners. Recognizing how difficult it can be to speak about past injuries, we commend them for bravely raising this topic. Through their question, they may be exploring whether careful vulnerability can pave the way for healthier interactions and deeper understanding.

Our answer begins with the acknowledgment that relationships are complex, and they can shape us in positive or harmful ways. Healing from trauma requires honoring one’s feelings and moving at a comfortable pace, while letting others earn trust through their actions. We suggest paying close attention to whether people exhibit untrustworthy patterns, seeking an objective viewpoint from a trusted friend if needed, and openly communicating needs to a new partner. If they’re supportive and respectful, this can help build confidence and reassurance. We also emphasize that although another person can’t single-handedly fix past wounds, they can provide valuable encouragement along the way.

We admire the strength embodied by survivors who are working through the sensitive process of rebuilding trust. In addition to speaking with a compassionate support system and considering professional guidance from a therapist or counselor, online hotlines and crisis centers can also provide immediate help. Be open to the truth that you deserve relationships that are healthy, uplifting, and reflective of your worth. We hope this perspective provides both comfort and direction.

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