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Making Waves Survivor Questions Compassionate Ways to Support Survivors Disclosing Sexual Assault

Compassionate Ways to Support Survivors Disclosing Sexual Assault

March 30, 2021

Laura Sinko PhD, MSHP, RN
Laura Sinko PhD, MSHP, RN

Director of Research and Survivor Support

Compassionate Ways to Support Survivors Disclosing Sexual Assault

Survivor Question

What should I do if someone tells me they have been sexually assaulted?

When a survivor discloses a sexual assault experience to you, it can often be difficult to know how to respond appropriately. While every situation is different, the following are suggestions from survivors and their advocates. First, listen. Rather than starting with doubt, start by believing. Allow the survivor to lead the conversation. Match the terminology of the survivor and do not label their experience for them. Avoid asking questions and let the survivor know you are glad that they told you. It is important to recognize that silence is okay. Next, support the survivor. Affirm their courage and strength. Ensure that they are safe and ask “how can I be helpful?” Validate their feelings. Most importantly, respect the decisions the survivor makes even if you do not agree with them. Remember, this person has had their power and control taken away from them so it is important that they have control over this conversation with you. Next, refer and connect the survivor to resources. There are a variety of local and national organizations devoted to comprehensive crisis intervention, advocacy, and support. You are not expected to be an expert in this topic, but directing survivors to people who are will help them get continued care and allow them to receive tailored information for their needs. Finally, be gentle with yourself. You may feel anger towards the situation or towards the perpetrator. You may feel helpless that you can't relieve the survivor of their suffering. You may feel guilt that you didn’t notice the situation sooner. You may even worry that you did not say the right things. Know your feelings are valid and if you need to seek help for these feelings too that is also okay. Just by listening and being there, you are doing enough.

Read Answer

This ally wishes to know what steps one might take when someone shares that they have been through sexual violence. Their question focuses on how best to respond with understanding and assistance, recognizing that it may be challenging to know exactly what to say or do in the moment. This topic is hugely significant because offering appropriate support can be a crucial step in a survivor’s healing process, and the willingness to learn more about how to help reflects genuine compassion. By posing this question, this ally demonstrates courage in seeking guidance, and they may be motivated by the desire to prevent additional harm and offer genuine care.

We understand that clarity and empathy can be paramount when faced with a disclosure of sexual assault. Our answer highlights several key actions: begin by believing this survivor without questioning their experience, and allow them to set the pace and terminology of the conversation. It might be helpful to say “I’m glad you told me” or “How can I be helpful?” while validating their feelings and ensuring their safety. We also echo the importance of respecting their decisions, since reclaiming agency can be deeply empowering for survivors. Finally, we encourage reaching out to crisis lines or advocacy centers for specialized support, while also reminding anyone providing support to practice self-care and seek assistance for any distress they themselves might feel.

It takes remarkable strength to speak up about these experiences, and that same strength can help guide both survivors and those offering support toward healing. Resources such as crisis hotlines, sexual assault centers, and counseling services can offer further guidance tailored to individual needs. Encouragement, understanding, and respect remain cornerstones of meaningful engagement. As always, remember that the information provided here is for educational purposes only and does not replace personalized medical or legal advice. Please consider connecting with trusted professionals if further assistance or clarification is needed.

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