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Making Waves Survivor Questions Understanding the Complexity of Trauma and the Power of Acknowledging It

Understanding the Complexity of Trauma and the Power of Acknowledging It

March 30, 2021

Laura Sinko PhD, MSHP, RN
Laura Sinko PhD, MSHP, RN

Director of Research and Survivor Support

Understanding the Complexity of Trauma and the Power of Acknowledging It

Survivor Question

I didn’t know I lived with trauma until I started therapy...now I can’t help but minimize it?

We received many questions about trauma processing and identity. Let’s talk about this in two parts with the help of a PhD prepared mental health nurse and sexual assault nurse examiner from @ourwavestories. We will start with talking about coming to terms with trauma as it relates to our identity, and then we will talk about integrating it into our identity. Everyone experiences and internalizes trauma differently. In fact, the way trauma is integrated into our identities may change throughout our healing journey. This is the way we rationalize and cope with our experiences. One way you may respond to your trauma is to suppress it or deny it completely. You may not even realize you experienced abuse until months or years later. This can be brought to your awareness through working with a therapist, talking with a friend, or anything else that can trigger a memory. A similar way your body can cope is to disconnect from your trauma. Some people refer to this as “putting your trauma in a box” because it is just too painful to address at the moment or because you do not want it to be a part of your identity. Especially in the beginning, this is your body’s way of protecting itself. Another way you can respond to your trauma is to minimize it. This can also be protective at first, but continuing to minimize your trauma may cause you to blame yourself for your feelings and may not allow you to adequately get the help you need. Minimization can occur by comparing our experiences to others and feeling that ours are not “bad enough.” You may also feel that you are “not allowed” to be as upset as you actually are or that you are being “dramatic." Remember everyone’s trauma experiences are valid, no matter what events are experienced.

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We received this question from a survivor discovering past trauma only after starting therapy, who now feels compelled to downplay what happened. They are uncertain whether their memories truly qualify as traumatic or worry that they’re overreacting. This question highlights an essential area of concern in the healing journey: the struggle to fully acknowledge one’s own experiences. Many survivors share a similar dilemma, hesitating to call certain life events “trauma” out of fear or self-doubt. It is an important question because questioning our experiences is often the first brave step toward better understanding and true healing. By opening up about something so personal and difficult, this survivor shows remarkable courage, reminding us that everyone’s journey with trauma is unique and valid.

Our response draws on the understanding that trauma affects each individual differently, often evolving as we begin to process it. We discuss how some survivors might cope by pushing away or denying painful memories, particularly when the emotional burden feels overwhelming. Minimizing trauma can also be a temporary self-protective measure, but long-term minimization may lead to self-blame and hinder access to support. We encourage seeking help from mental health professionals, leaning on trusted friends, or exploring supportive communities that offer a safe space to share. These resources are vital for survivors who want to deepen their healing and begin integrating trauma into their identity in a way that fosters growth. Above all, we urge compassion toward oneself, recognizing that no single approach or timeline fits every survivor.

It takes strength to even ask these questions, and we acknowledge the resolve needed to face them head-on. If you or anyone you know feels similarly, consider reaching out to crisis hotlines, counseling services, or survivor-led support networks in your area. These avenues can provide steady guidance and help you feel less alone when you’re ready to open up. Remember that you have the right to feel how you feel, and healing does not follow a predetermined schedule. This information is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for personalized medical or legal advice. You deserve care, compassion, and the reassurance that every step you take matters in your journey of recovery.

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