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Making Waves Survivor Questions When Uncertainty Arises: Understanding Whether An Experience Counts as Sexual Assault

When Uncertainty Arises: Understanding Whether An Experience Counts as Sexual Assault

March 30, 2021

Laura Sinko PhD, MSHP, RN
Laura Sinko PhD, MSHP, RN

Director of Research and Survivor Support

When Uncertainty Arises: Understanding Whether An Experience Counts as Sexual Assault

Survivor Question

How do I know if my experience counts as sexual assault?

When you go through a sexual experience that feels unwanted, it can often be difficult to label what just occurred. We might compare our experiences to the experiences we see on TV or read about online, causing us to question whether or not our experience “counts” as sexual trauma. First of all, you are not alone. According to a 2007 Department of Justice survey, 35 percent of sexual assault victims didn't report their assault because it was "unclear that it was a crime or that harm was intended." Only you can define your experience, but honor the feelings you are feeling. Sexual assault can take many different forms, but one thing remains the same: it’s never your fault. RAINN, the largest sexual violence organization in the US, defines sexual assault as "sexual contact or behavior that occurs without explicit consent of the victim." For the definition of rape, RAINN quotes the FBI: "Penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim". While these are the official definitions, know that all of your feelings and experiences are valid. Trauma does not only consist of the event(s) that occurred, but it also involves how you experience those events as well as the overall effect the event has on you afterwards. Labeling your experience is up to you, but for many, putting a name to it allows them to more effectively deal with its aftermath. It is perfectly normal to have a delayed reaction: you just experienced something traumatic and it may take time to make sense of it. If you need help figuring out if what happened to you is sexual violence, call RAINN’s hotline at 800.656.HOPE.

Read Answer

In moments of confusion, survivors may be uncertain if what happened really falls under sexual assault. This question highlights a desire for clarity in the face of overwhelming doubt. Often, portrayals of assault in media or commonly understood scenarios don’t reflect the varied realities survivors endure. Because every experience is unique, feelings of shame or disbelief may hold a survivor back from asking for help. Despite these barriers, it remains a deeply important question to explore, signaling this survivor’s courage and readiness to seek answers. Recognizing the possibility that their experience may be sexual violence can be the first step toward validation and healing.

We understand that defining assault isn’t always straightforward, especially when inaccurate media depictions or confusion over consent cloud the issue. Our answer emphasizes that sexual assault, as outlined by organizations like RAINN, involves any sexual act without explicit permission from all parties. Many survivors struggle with self-doubt, wondering if their experience is “severe enough” to be classified as assault. We encourage honoring your own emotions and recalling that trauma can be shaped just as much by how you feel afterward as by what happened. For those searching for more direct support, calling RAINN’s hotline at 800.656.HOPE may provide the insight and reassurance needed to move forward.

As you continue on your path, remember your strength in seeking clarity and support. Resources such as local sexual assault centers, mental health professionals, and trained advocates are here to help ease the weight of what you’re carrying. You deserve to have your story heard and validated, and it’s okay to take all the time you need to heal. We want to reassure you that help exists, and you are never alone. This information is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for personalized medical or legal advice.

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